Thursday
Aug212008
People never think they are wrong
Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 10:23AM
Everyone is occasionally wrong about small things. You make a wrong turn, screw up someone's name, get a degree in English Literature, whatever.
by Mark Turner
But people rarely think they are wrong about the big stuff. People are rarely willing to entertain the idea that some fundamental aspect of their behaviour is incorrect, wrong, or poorly executed.
by Neil Wykes
Here's an example. I used to be a team lead at the company I previously worked at. It was a new position for me, and one that was a bit of a challenge being that I only had about 18 months experience in the workforce.
However I was the best man for the job, so I got it. Part of my job was ensure that the people working under me stayed on schedule and on budget. I wasn't a tight-ass about it, and I'd say that about 3 of the 9 I supervised consistently performed at or above expectations. Another four worked just hard enough to avoid intervention, but the remaining two were always way behind.
by Thirty6Red
The interesting thing was that bottom two appeared to concentrate harder than the middle four, but still consistently took about 4 times the necessary time to complete assignments. The middle four slacked off, but the bottom two worked and failed.
After a while it got to the point where I had to sit them down individually and actually confront them about it, try to figure out how to motivate them, or remove whatever was slowing them down.
by loop_oh
But the thing was, neither of them really believed that there was a problem. And I don't mean that they defensively denied their performance issues. I mean they honestly, whole-heartedly, believed that they were doing the best possible job they could and that the problem must lie somewhere else. They weren't even upset by the confrontation, or that I had told them their performance was unacceptable. They just refused to accept the possibility that they were problem.
They were the problem. A job that took them 4 months, took the middle four about 6 weeks, and the best three about 3 weeks. All the assignments were essentially the same length and equally challenging.
by dangoldman
Another example is this story about a horribly neglected young girl, who essentially developed a form of autism because she was given no attention and locked in a closet until she was 7. I strongly recommend you read it, it's very sad, but very interesting.
Near the end of the article the reporter interviews the mother that the child was confiscated from about a year later. While the mother concedes that there may have been a few things she could have improved on, she honestly denies that it was wrong to lock her daughter in a closet for 7 years to the point that she cannot speak or walk.
by Dan Coulter (not from the article)
It's a much more extreme example, but it's the same mechanism at work. People have ways of rationalizing their behaviour such that they believe that they have chosen the best course of action in a given situation, regardless of how that action is viewed by others.
Those two employees honestly believed that they were not the problem, and had reasons outside their control for why their performance was so poor. People who may discriminate for one reason or another honestly believe that they are justified in doing so, and don't think that there is a problem. That mother truly felt she was making the best choices for her child by locking her in a closet. And I'm sure that the great despots such as Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, and Mao fundamentally believed in their actions.
by SpencerSHU
The thing is, I don't think it really matters if you think you're right. If you are being told by the majority of those around you, or the world at large, that your actions are insufficient or unacceptable than you have to acknowledge that and work towards whatever ideal humanity is holding out as the prime example.
The difference between being a good person or a bad person is not a matter of always doing the right thing, it's a matter of being able to recognize when others are telling you've gone down the wrong path and changing it.
by pfly
by Mark Turner
But people rarely think they are wrong about the big stuff. People are rarely willing to entertain the idea that some fundamental aspect of their behaviour is incorrect, wrong, or poorly executed.
by Neil Wykes
Here's an example. I used to be a team lead at the company I previously worked at. It was a new position for me, and one that was a bit of a challenge being that I only had about 18 months experience in the workforce.
However I was the best man for the job, so I got it. Part of my job was ensure that the people working under me stayed on schedule and on budget. I wasn't a tight-ass about it, and I'd say that about 3 of the 9 I supervised consistently performed at or above expectations. Another four worked just hard enough to avoid intervention, but the remaining two were always way behind.
by Thirty6Red
The interesting thing was that bottom two appeared to concentrate harder than the middle four, but still consistently took about 4 times the necessary time to complete assignments. The middle four slacked off, but the bottom two worked and failed.
After a while it got to the point where I had to sit them down individually and actually confront them about it, try to figure out how to motivate them, or remove whatever was slowing them down.
by loop_oh
But the thing was, neither of them really believed that there was a problem. And I don't mean that they defensively denied their performance issues. I mean they honestly, whole-heartedly, believed that they were doing the best possible job they could and that the problem must lie somewhere else. They weren't even upset by the confrontation, or that I had told them their performance was unacceptable. They just refused to accept the possibility that they were problem.
They were the problem. A job that took them 4 months, took the middle four about 6 weeks, and the best three about 3 weeks. All the assignments were essentially the same length and equally challenging.
by dangoldman
Another example is this story about a horribly neglected young girl, who essentially developed a form of autism because she was given no attention and locked in a closet until she was 7. I strongly recommend you read it, it's very sad, but very interesting.
Near the end of the article the reporter interviews the mother that the child was confiscated from about a year later. While the mother concedes that there may have been a few things she could have improved on, she honestly denies that it was wrong to lock her daughter in a closet for 7 years to the point that she cannot speak or walk.
by Dan Coulter (not from the article)
It's a much more extreme example, but it's the same mechanism at work. People have ways of rationalizing their behaviour such that they believe that they have chosen the best course of action in a given situation, regardless of how that action is viewed by others.
Those two employees honestly believed that they were not the problem, and had reasons outside their control for why their performance was so poor. People who may discriminate for one reason or another honestly believe that they are justified in doing so, and don't think that there is a problem. That mother truly felt she was making the best choices for her child by locking her in a closet. And I'm sure that the great despots such as Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, and Mao fundamentally believed in their actions.
by SpencerSHU
The thing is, I don't think it really matters if you think you're right. If you are being told by the majority of those around you, or the world at large, that your actions are insufficient or unacceptable than you have to acknowledge that and work towards whatever ideal humanity is holding out as the prime example.
The difference between being a good person or a bad person is not a matter of always doing the right thing, it's a matter of being able to recognize when others are telling you've gone down the wrong path and changing it.
by pfly
tagged behaviour, change, choice, eric hacke, life, rationalization, rationalize in Rant
behaviour, change, choice, eric hacke, life, rationalization, rationalize in Rant 
Reader Comments (2)
I really need to read this over after I write it and before I post it. Errors in grammar, spelling, and sentence structure all over the place.
You guys are just getting the raw feed from my brain.
And that just ain't pretty. Raw feed EVERYWHERE.