Accept it or move on
Friday, November 7, 2008 at 12:17PM One thing that I've always thought is interesting is most peoples tendency to find someone at fault when there is a disagreement in any sort of relationship. That implication of fault then infers that the faulted are the ones that need to change.
But in most cases I don't think anyone is at fault. No one needs to change. It's just an incompatibility that you need to accept or move on.
by Kai Hendry
I'm not talking about cases where someone was obviously dishonest, misleading, or just generally disrespectful. I'm talking about arguments over fundamental aspects of a persons personality or lifestyle. The disagreement could be over anything.
Flirting with other people, not enough sex, too much sex, or differing opinions on porn, religion or politics. In the end the party that feels they've been wronged tends to blame the others behavior for the problem. This is almost always the wrong way to think.
by .imelda
Just because your girlfriend flirts with other men because she likes attention and wants free drinks, doesn't mean that she's a slut and untrustworthy.
It just may mean that she has broader boundaries of what is acceptable behavior, or a differing opinion of expected result of flirting. It's not her problem that you don't like it if that's the person she is.
by nedward.org
Just because a guy has enough porn to cause a blackout if it were all accessed simultaneously, does not necessarily mean he's a misogynist with a depraved view of sexuality. It just may mean that he has a lot of time on his hands, a healthy sex drive, and an internet connection. It's not his problem that you don't like it if that's the person he is.
by Darcie
I think that trying to manipulate someone into having the same ideas and values as you represents a cowardice in the person trying to make the change.
For whatever reason, the changer fears breaking up more than emotionally damaging consequences of staying with someone that fundementally doesn't satisfy you. They do not realize that there are many many more fish in the sea, and it's certain you'll find a better fish if you only allow yourself to look.
by atomicshark
Faulting someone else for not valuing the same things as you is the wrong approach and painful for everyone in the long run. You can't force someone into being the person you want them to be. You can't take the features you like and change the features you don't.
You signed up for the whole package, you have to either accept it as is, or trade it in for a different model.
by Phil Gyford
Rant 
Reader Comments (4)
As Dan Savage would say, "This is the price of admission to being with this person." Well said. Though I think you shouldn't focus solely on romantic relationships - this thing happens to all sorts of friendships.
D'oh. *friendships = relationships
this is unrelated, but my dad has a t-shirt that says "you have been bad! go to my room!" on it. it makes me groan in embarrassment when i see him wearing it. he thinks it's hilarious. he got it from le chateau.
Emma - Yeah I was going to broaden it out, but then it started to seem too wordy. Mleh.
Michelle - That is a hilarious story for many reasons.